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I so regret so much... today's moment is changing my name for fucking ... because his name and being a tall architect were the best things about him to me. I constantly found him pitiable but easy to control - were I to remain blatantly momentarily honest. What I loved in him was the safety - being loved by someone respectable from a respectable minister family. The other side of that was a bunch of narcissism and delusion - on all branches.
I cried today over edith.
I cried today over aging.
I cried.
I cry.
My treasures fly out the door - the beauty I have surrounded myself with gets stripped away - replaced by thrift and gifts in a hot old town.
What an amazing place / thing / noun is something when you're losing it.
and the surprising rounds of goodbyes. I thought I had no one at all. Now, I might have help. Almost every day until my departure is a goodbye. I'm shocked, and... the one I cried about yesterday - will be meeting my ex-stepkid and... I cried like a being that hadn't been touched in a century...
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