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a tiny bit of the ... claustrophobia in life.
In MY life specifically.
And when I'm ... lonely in want of connection, I turn to you.
I'm sort of almost narcissistically arrogant. While at the same time being plagued with self-doubt. it's a trippy trip.
The Little Prince.
I'm sure I've already told you, but it's like 'space cowboy' a horror a bit... something to tap down. For me, they both pluck the "I am all completely alone and trapped and confused." Even writing that, it can bring up the desire to hurriedly walk around the block.
Hopefully, I'll learn to regulate these strong emotions as they say in the parlance.
I could always call the beta level.
you might but you won't. What I usually do is stroll around until I'm almost at the boiling point - instead, I could try to poke vents in the building steam cage. I told you I drove by the site of my second grade school. It was huger and unrecognizable from my angle. The only part I recognized was the field where we all played and one day while bored lining up for field day, I made my group sing "we don't need no education. we don't need no thought control. Hey teachers, leave those kids along. all we are is just another brick in the wall." I had heard it from my brother.
here we are.
walken...
Let me go check my leash.
the birds are getting me through all this. They live all around me, and it's some life to see.
Every now and again I see one of the six cats I've counted in the area. Sure, I'm always scared and what of it. Aren't you if you really think about it? death. I wonder sometimes if there was an "all of us die together" sort of tragic event - would we even know - be comforted by not being alone in death? it's really sort of the extinction of a star. Last night, I saw shadows of the almost full moon. Tonight, it's full.
Sitting in the pieced together by siblings living room, she could either learn a language, spruce up a document, start managing her finances, clean something, or grouse that she'd read all there was to read on the entire net. Oh my, the school bus is here, and has stopped in front of the house. She really appreciates the bushes in front of her two windows, but there's a third. THAT one is exposed to the front door. There was no hiding from the neighbor.
What would I give for my kid fears? as much as I romanticize and put blood life into my past, the being stuck in your past to repeat it again movies - "Peggy sue got married" are horror stories to me. I am not adoring getting saggy and aesthetically crone, yet I prefer it to cycling it all again. When I think about it - feel about it - it feels like the deepest of claustrophobias... a panic profound.
now to walk for real.
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