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Cootie Girl: Queer Eye for the Queer Guy
9.10.2003
Last Thursday Tricia, Tisha and I went to our favorite watering hole NWP for some after work cheer. Who do we meet there but that week's Fab 5 makeover candidate (I think his name was Josh) you may remember he was the guy who couldn't dance. We got the scoop behind the show. The guy is kept out of his apt for 2 days and gets about 10,000 worth of swag - when are they doing Queer Eye for the Straight Girl? (or how about Dyke Eye for the Straight Guy - or "just mullets" - ok that was bad of me, sorry) ...
Anyway he got me to thinking about my dear friend (and I hope friend after this post) Jim, who is in need of a Queer Eye for a Queer Guy. Well, Jim doesn't need a complete makeover I mean actually, Kyan probably wouldn't have much to do with Jim since he keeps himself well groomed and has a connection at Aveda (hook a sister up). Ted might turn his nose up because the only thing Jim would want to make would be the perfect Ice Cream Sundae. Thom could probably do something really cool to Jim's apartment using an airplane theme since Jim has a little collection of them. Oh and Carson could tell the boy what cloths go with what (and maybe get rid of that cutoff shirt Jim feels is OK to wear out to brunch or birthday dinners when in fact it should be tossed, and don't get me started on those pointy shoes).
The only Fab 5 member Jim really needs to meet is Jai. I say this because of a few things: 1) I have seen Jim and the "moves" he uses at "mixed bars." 2) he does not have cable (which isn't that bad) however, he only watches VCR TAPES of old episodes of The Price is Right, 25,000 Pyramid, The Walton's and The X-Files. 3) Jim compiles these lists of top 50 songs every year in addition he has a top 200 of all time. Here are a few excerpts from his top 200 list (warning this list does not reflect the music choices of Cootie Girl nor any member of the Happyrobot community this is just to demonstrate Jim's eclectic *cough* taste):
As of June 2003, Jim's top 200 list:
1. Al No Corrida - Quincy Jones
2. Helpless - Sugar
3. Whole Lotta Rosie - AC/DC
4. Cuts You Up - Peter Murphy
5. Black - Sevendust
6. Adam's Song - Blink 182
7. Wanna Be Startin' Somethin' - Michael Jackson
8. Dream - Temple of Dreams
9. Break Stuff - Limp Bizkit
10. It's Not Right But It's O.K. - Whitney Houston
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13. Hot Stuff - Donna Summer
14. Rock and Roll - Led Zepplin
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19. Cover Girl - New Kids on the Block
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40. You Don't Believe - Alan Parsons Project
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44. Ohh Ahh (Just a Little Bit) - Gina G
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55. Everybody (Backstreet's Back) - Backstreet Boys
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92. Say You Say Me - Lionel Richie
.......
104. Slow and Easy - Whitesnake
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118. Whisper to a Scream - Icicle Works
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135. You're the One That I Want - John Travolta/Olivia Newton John
136. Photograph - Def Leppard
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152. Justified and Ancient - The KLF featuring Tammy Wynette
.......
161. MmmBop - Hanson
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179. Longfellow Serenade - Neil Diamond *NEIL @ 179 WTF!
180. Ring of Fire - Social Distortion *NOT EVEN THE ORIGINAL!
181. Second Time Around - Shalamar
........
183. Baby, Don't Forget My Number - Milli Vanilli
......
185. Breakin (There's No Stoppin Us) - Ollie and Jerry
....
200. I'm So Excited - Pointer Sisters
I warned you - list filled with too much AC/DC, Madonna, Whitney, and Blink 182! Where is the Elvis, or The Cure even! ... do you think Jai could help Jim out? Just think with Queer Eye for the Queer Guy you at least have a 1 in 5 chance of getting a date at the end of the show. What's better than that?
Oh and Bravo, if you are interested in meeting Jim for the show you can let me know through the comments box. Thanks! - from a girl who just wants to get some free shit through her friends. (hook a sister up!)
