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Cootie Girl: paper cuts and lemon juice
1.23.2004
About 5 years ago, I was in a very boring sales meeting. During these very boring meetings, a co-worker and I use to write notes to each other. Once I wrote, "Please kill me with paper cuts and lemon juice." At that moment I thought paper cuts and lemon juice would be far more interesting and productive than a bunch of sales asses (I mean reps) sitting around and talking about how they cannot sell shit to a fly. Anyway, I digress ...
What was the point of this ... Oh yes paper cuts - I have just been tortured in the last few months at work. My job is being the ultimate paper pusher and with that, I have been getting the worst paper cuts ever. Every day I get a new one. Yesterday I thought I sliced off my thumb. Today it was the tip of my ring finger. Band-aids don't work because they come off after I wash my hands. I bought liquid skin today. I hope that works because if it doesn't I might have to buy those little finger condoms. I work with boys - I hear enough about farts, butt plugs and sports I don't need to hear comments about condoms on my fingers.
So God, if you are listening, enough with the paper cuts! If you tickle me, do I not laugh? If you prick me, do I not bleed? I get it already I'm human I have flaws and I'm a total spazz around paper.
