It's funny. I'm always on the search for something to be when I grow up, yet I have a clear definitive list of what I DON'T want to be (or what I shouldn't be):
Doctor – okay, while yes, it would be nice to be a doctor I don't have the brain or the guts for this kind of work. If I could in fact make it through 8 million years of school and retain even a thimble of information, I would so be one of those doctors who would have to look everything up. Instead of having the comic book inside a medical journal, I'd have the medical journal inside the comic book and be all like "oh, this? Just the latest issue of Archie and Friends….so, what did you say your symptoms were?" One aspect of doctoring I am interested in is sort of like a health advisor/advocate. I once worked with a woman who at the age of 25 wouldn't get birth control because she was too embarrassed to ask her doctor for it and I thought "Really?" because doctors probably see so much wacky stuff each day that someone asking for birth control is their favorite thing ever. So as a health advisor or whatever, I would help people like that.
Lawyer – once again, the school thing trips me up. Too much studying and, as one of my old college roommates, Liz, was fond of saying, "I thought we didn't have to learn dates" (not sure why she said this, but she did. I could do ten posts on nutty saying from Liz such as "…that's why I never push Fat Sunny on a swing" to sum up a story she was relating and also when I borrowed a bar of soap from her and told her I'd pay her back she said "The dry skin you'll get from that Ivory soap is all the payback I need". Also, when I was living in NC and she was in Rochester, NY without fail everytime she called she'd ask what time it was in NC because she thought I was in a different time zone). Also lawyering for me brings out all the reasons why I like the show Dexter so much – just kill them all, folks. I mean the bad ones and provided you have all the right evidence (hence, lawyers). That being said, I love lawyer movies – The Firm, A Few Good Men, Jerry Maguire (whoops, now I'm just listing Tom Cruise movies). My favorite lawyer is the bald guy from Sex in the City. Harry, right?
Police Officer – or, as Julie says (and probably a lot of other people too), "the po-po". Frankly, I'm just not brave enough for this job. My first couple of shifts, I would probably shoot first and ask questions later. I'm also not good at driving at fast speeds and I hate uniforms. Also, at any domestic dispute or child abuse situation, I would once again be shooting people. Evidently, whatever career I choose, it should not involve guns.
Salesperson – oh, wow. I don't know how people sell stuff. Car salespeople, realtors, oh my lord, mattress salespeople. If I was a salesperson in a mattress store, I would be asleep on one of those cushy mattresses in three seconds. I do not know how people do it. I've worked in retail enough to know that selling clothes is not my ideal and we all know that I sold shirts at the Lion King on Broadway which was fun but I knew way back then that I didn't want to be hawking Nalas and Simbas for the rest of my life.
Truck driver, nope (ouch, 'rhoids!). Hair stylist, nope (ewww, other people's hair!). Firefighter, nope (once again, uniform). Nurse (ick! Blood!). Chef (yum but too many late restaurant nights). And there you have it.
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