Our bodies are changing all the time. It's true -a fact -I know, but this...this is a bit extreme. I don't remember the dramatic physical shiftings of adolescence anymore so what is happening to me is pure novelty.
I quit smoking.
I feel like a beginner and in some ways I am. I've never been an adult, male non-smoker. I suddenly don't know how to act around people. Hell, I don't know how to react when I'm alone. What do you do with your hands? How do you get rid of that after-dinner taste in your mouth? I find myself brushing my teeth 4-5 times a day. That can't be normal.
But what I said above is incontrovertible truth. Our bodies are changing all the time. For instance, right now, there is a poltergeist inside my body banging on organs, muscles and nerve endings as if it were taking part in some Third World post-coup street parade. I have had a stitch in my side for four straight days. For all I know, I'm actually dying and instead of seeing a doctor, I shrug and say, "It's just withdrawal. That heart attack you're having? Simple withdrawal."
But a brain is part of a body too and my brain said to quit smoking. My brain finally looked up from its 18-year-long state of denial and realized that my body was killing itself...and now it's making me stop. It's taking charge like a street-smart new principal at a run-down urban high school. It keeps telling me that we're going to have to start exercising. It tells me that once we're in better shape, we're going to buy a bicycle and start reading Proust - all the way through. We're going to be a better person, it tells me.
Maybe. Probably. But for now, I feel a little like a teenager. My body is in full-fledged freakout mode and I don't know how to talk to you without looking at the ground and chewing on my pen.
