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2001:September:10
9.10.2001
I had the most awesome dinner party for Rebecca's b-day on Saturday night. it was so much fun. I cooked a whack of grub and put candles all over the back yard and invited the best storytellers I know. I felt like a moosewood mama, probably cuz I was wearing a 70's floral sundress with my hair in a bun. But man, is cooking fun when you like the folks you are doing it for.
Sunday I went to the Canadian Film Centre bbq, and I knew it would be a lame, shmoozy event. I mean, the film festival is always way too full of folks with "do you know me?" faces. But really , i just wanted to see some old friends. Well it sucked. The worst part is they tried to make it all funky by bringing endangered species! huge tortoises, a baby leopard, giant lizards. It was so gross. And I don't even vaguely want to work in film. I have got to pick my activities better.
So me and Ariel beat it live a beaver tail and went to the cabbage town festival. The best craftshow of the year, IMHO. (am i workin' the 70's mama, or what?). I was looking at all these clocks and lamps made out of recycled auto parts, and suddenly I saw Sarah Polley, a young actress who I had also seen at the shmoozefest. I thought it was funny that we had both been at the same events that day, and commented on it. She rolled her eyes in reference to the BBQ, then she said: ooo, nice clock, you should totally buy it. So I did. I was going to anyway. It's not just cuz a moviestar told me to...
Then last night Russ and David had the grand opening of their new restaurant, Aunties and Uncles on Bathurst at Queen. I saw this musician there who I had a massive crush on years ago, a guy I used to TRY to bump into a lot (and never did, tho i was sure we were meant to be if only we could bump into each other). I know you know what i mean.
So he was right in front of me, smiling at me, totally charming. But I felt nothing. He is still cute and plays sweet music, but I am...i am...not looking. there. And this absence of search has freed up so much time for me, which is a good thing, but i also wonder: where does all the searching energy go when you believe you have found true love? I had a lot of creative imagining invested in the search - music spoke so directly to me. And now it is kind of like a runaway train. ew, bad metaphor. A plane without a pilot...I dunno. The point is, the energy never disappears, you just have to direct it elsewhere, and I wonder how you do that. As blissed out as I am, I miss the angst of the search sometimes.
So I was about to leave the restaurant last night, but stopped for a cigarette outside (no i don't smoke much and i agree it is smelly and stupid). Russ' (the chef at the restaurant) dad came out and joined me and I asked him to tell me stories about Russ' unruly childhood in small-town ontario. I got all sorts of dirt, but then we stood back, looked at the restaurant, and I said: "well, i guess you just have to trust that your kid is gonna figure out what he wants to do and do it well."
And he said:"you got the whole world telling your kid he can't do anything. And only two people--his mom and his dad--will tell him he is great, no matter what. That's what my wife always said, anyway. And that's all we ever did with Russ."
Made my breath catch in my throat.
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