Pony: #
5.8.2002

It is hard to decide what to reveal. I mean, it is one thing to share, but I don't want to compromise anyone's privacy too much, especially when I am feeling so raw, and might not make the best judgements. But there was no infidelity. In case you were wondering. It is the first thing people ask. Just so you know, K? I am sorry these entries are so banal, but this heartache is eclipsing every intelligent or funny observation I can muster. But what is there to do with this but share it? Cuz everyone has felt it. And what is the point of all the pain when you can't learn from it and share what you have gleaned.

So what have I learned at this point? Here are 10 things.
1. "Feels different" is not a satisfactory explanation. Ever.
2. Always remember to work on one's own dreams, especially in a relationship.
3. "Call it as you see it" might not be as truthful a motto as you thought.
4.Beware of those who are quick to love and grandiose with their expressions of it. You know what they say about people who talk a lot about it...
5. The fact that you never fight is not a thing to be proud of.
6. Men are fickle. All of them.
7. My friends are awesome.
8. You might think you are half-way over it, but then realise you are only, like, 1/10th there.
9. Need a weightloss program...?
10. Don't call. Get someone to tie up your hands for you. Don't call.
11. At the heart of every great intimacy, there is loneliness stronger than anything you can feel when you are alone. Expect it. But don't blame the other person for it. It is not their job to fill it.
(Ok, sorry, that was 11, and 11 sounded all self-help, but I remember this line from a poem that went something like: "who will be the first to wake up and feel alone?" I read it ages ago, before I had ever been in love. And I marked that poem--that line--for future refrence.)

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