I am the international element of this Happyrobot crime syndicate. I had to get rid of British double agent Adele Soup (whose archive has been deleted) a couple of years ago because she was threatening my niche.
I don't know how to drive cars, but I can hotwire anything from a concorde jet to a segway.
Even I don't remember my violent past after a brain injury sustained while posing as a booth bunny at a streaming media conference in NYC in 2000 that nearly left me dead.
Rich found my crumpled form in the Flatiron district, and revived me with Fried Chicken, Brooklyn Lager, and the repetition of the trigger phrase: "hold tight, Monkey!"
I was later to unearth classified information that he had been dispatched from headoffice by former assassin Matt who later programmed me for my life of crime. When he brought my sister (who brainwashes youth) into the fold, he made it a family affair, thusly securing my loyalty on this side of the border.
Together with fembot Raquel (and her dilligent manslave, Ben), we were able to exploit our membership with the Jewish Cabal to avert a potentially devastating nuclear assault between Canada and The States over the sale of reasonably-priced perscription drugs.
Armed with health care, mittens with strings, a sharp icicle and an even more deadly sense of irony, I have narrowly escaped arrest by the mounties on several occasions. Should they every capture me, Hold Tight, Monkey will be the last words on my lips before I reveal your identities to avert torture.
