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Pony: Where have all the one-pieces gone?
4.10.2006
I went bathing suit shopping this weekend. Not my favourite thing to do. Makes me feel like I am trapped in a panel of a Cathy cartoon.
NAME me ONE woman who likes to go swimsuit shopping.
I didn't think you could.
I loathe swimsuit shopping so much, I have avoided it altogether, scrounging together some assortment of tops and shorts when I get a chance to swim. But since we are going to Mexico at the end of April, I decided it was time to invest in some non-droopy regulation attire.
But something changed in my absence from waterwear consumption. Where have all the one-pieces gone? I am not talking about the sports-issue speedo line. I mean a nice, modest one-piece - the one that holds the wobbly parts in place yet manages to give you a nice pin-uppy silhouette (if you align yourself correctly in front of the mirror first and stay very still). All I could find were bikinis (which are so - um - naked) and Tankinis (tank top), which cover more, but seem to cover the wrong bits.
I DID find a suit (a simple bikini from Mountain Equipment Co-op, fwiw), but I also have some tips:
1) Don't go bathing suit shopping when you have PMS. For so many reasons, this is a bad idea.
2) Those little spandex shorts, while they might cover more stuff, are horrible if you have any percentage of body fat on your lower half.
3) The tops that tie around the neck are kind of sweet, and if you pass the pencil test, it might be your only chance to adopt this style.
4) Many of those bathing suits with "support" that you get from the Bay etc. make your boobs look fake or a bit tarty - not that that is a bad thing.
5) bottoms that have the tie at the side are also suprisingly flattering, cuz you can control the taughtness and your hips won't look like a bisected muffin-top.
6) Yes, the lighting is bad in there.
7) It WILL look better with a tan.
8) It ain't cheap. a good swimsuit will cost about 100 bucks. (mind was much cheaper, mind you, but I got last year's model of this)
