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Pony: The Weaning Blues
4.22.2008
No one warned me about this: I have been feeling heavy of heart these days and flimsy of constitution. Sad movies destroy me. The news is almost unbearable unless parsed by Jon Stewart.
I remember when I was a kid and we used to think that moms were made of frail stuff if they couldn't "take" the violent films we loved. But now I get it - I see everyone as someone's kid.
I have accumulated and internalized every story about harm to a child - the abduction, the bizarre illness, the random violent events - it is a kind of embarrassing, irrational anxiety. You can't protect your loved ones from random events.
So here is the thing: Gabriel is being weaned and it is all happening quite slowly and organically. Less bringing him to bed in the mornings for a snuggle and a nurse. No more nursing in the bath. Less oxytocin and prolactin in my body, both of which gave me such a feeling of hormone-based well-being. It's like I am withdrawing from a drug. I miss the happy hormones!
So excuse me if I spend a couple more weeks watching Ratatouille and avoiding any narratives that involve the exploitation of children. I've got some hormones to balance.
