Myself as a young boy Pony is having a boy and was asking for advice on how to deal with the other non-fairer sex since she comes from a very pro-girl family. To defend boyness, I thought I'd interview my family on what I was like as a small boy and then compile the results into a journal entry in hopes to reassure Pony that little wiener stinkers are OK (and not nearly as bossy as bossy little girls).
My Story I was born exactly on time. My mother was in labor for all of 10 minutes and reports that my delivery was super easy as baby boys take great pains to contort themselves into comfortable shapes as they are pushed through the birth canal. In fact, doctors report that my mom, during the final push, was distracted by a poster on the wall ("hang in there kitty") and didn't realize that I had actually popped out. This had a bit to do with the fact that as I sat there cradled in the doctor's arms I cooed instead of the loud crying that baby girls do. In fact, the same doctor swears that I waved to everyone when I arrived. "A fine morning to be born" he imagined me saying.
Their First Child As the first child for my parents, those early years were rough on them. With their baby books in hand, they would stare into my crib and fret over the mysteries of their new baby. "Why does he peacefully sleep all through the night for upwards of ten hours?" "Is it me, or does he poop smell like lavender?"
They slowly got used to living with my long stretches of sleep and lavender scented bowel-movements - a very common occurrence with young boy babies I have been told.
One When I turned one year old, I took my first step. People were amazed. The family was all gathered around eating cake and when they took me out of my high chair, I sat on the floor and then somehow was able to pull myself up and precariously take my first step. Within minutes I had got my bearings and entertained my family with a soft shoe routine. Grandma cheered! As an encore, I helped clear the table.
Oh, so much more... In addition to table clearing and tap-esque dancing in onesies, baby boys are a natural mosquito repellant.
While driving, if you got lost, boy babies, using the placement of the sun, moon, and stars, can pinpoint your location on a map within 500 feet. Also, if you grease them up and put them on a smooth surface they can be used a compass (spin them like a bottle and when they stop their head will oddly always be pointing north).
The puppy dog tail legend One last note: baby boys do not contain puppy dog tails. This legend may be due to a mis-translation of ancient scrolls that documented the deeds of so many baby boys and their tireless work protesting those pet store puppy farms.
