Smells like rotted flesh?
My mother rarely, if ever, has smelled like rotted flesh. The point goes to zombies.
Zombies: 1 My mom: 0
Is technically a corpse?
Well, duh. Stupid question. Of course the zombie gets that one.
Zombies: 2 My mom: 0
Makes buckets of muffins?
Zombies are corpses. Corpses, reanimated or not, can not make muffins. Very well.
Point to my mom!
Zombies: 2 My mom: 1
Walks around a lot?
This is a tie. My mom, clad in her performance wind suit, walks around the neighborhood all the time. Zombies, since they have no will of their own and no friends, tend to walk around a lot as well – although their walking is way slower. And arm-outy.
Tie!
Zombies: 2 My mom: 1
Has tried to eat my brains?
Who writes these questions? What is up with the pro-zombie bias? My mom, contrary to what the papers have said, has never tried to eat my brains.
Zombies: 3 My mom: 1
Is a fan of Billy Joel?
No one can be sure if zombies like Billy Joel. I know that the naysayers will probably say that they do and that only zombies could like his music… but until you take me to a zombies house and I see the Glass Houses LP sitting next to their hi-fi, the point goes to my mom.
Zombies: 3 My mom: 2
Had breakfast with Tom Jones?
I can’t imagine that zombies would sit down for breakfast with anyone, and while I bet Tom’s brains are tasty, I can’t imagine they’d go to all the trouble to sit through a breakfast with press photographers just for a chance to get close to his swaggering yummy brains.
Interestingly, my mom has not had breakfast with Tom Jones, either. But, he came over for breakfast at my aunt and uncle’s house back in the 1980’s. True story!
Tie.
Zombies: 3 My mom: 2
Can be confounded by large flights of stairs?
This could be another tie. My mom has a wonky knee and hates climbing tons of stairs. Zombies, with their “shambling gait” can’t enjoy stairs that much either. In fact, I’d love to see some zombies walking down a huge flight of stairs. I bet they’d fall a lot. That would me a good YouTube video.
Tie.
Zombies: 3 My mom: 2
Likes Michael Jackson?
Maybe I should title this, “What zombies and my mom have in common”!!
I think my mom is more of a “Off the Wall” fan where zombies tend to like “Thriller”.
Tie.
Zombies: 3 My mom: 2
Likes pimento cheese?
Any zombies out there like pimento cheese? I sure don’t. My mom does. Maybe I am a zombie then?
Point for my mom!
Zombies: 3 My mom: 3
