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No, I just dreamt of Singapore last night and that there was an even bigger archipelago of container ship islands outside of it/beside it. I think I've dreamt of this container ship sort of place before - being lost in it. Last night, there weren't any trees and it kind of was barren, yet I loved it because I had known what it's like to be lonely and disconnected and in this warren, I felt a belonged. That feeling of belonging. I be longing for it. Even being back in the land of my freaking birth, I still call it "yall's state" or in other ways distance myself from ... whatever.
And the thought that one day... one day! ... one day! ... I'll .... ?
It's so much nicer to be stoned and hit snooze every day. I'm an excellent snoozer. I'm rarely sure what to do, so I hide. I'm killing my peace lily accidentally overwatering. Sigh. I'm plucking the hairs of my leg. My last period was so weird it might really be the last one. I can get as skinny as I want, and it doesn't make me beautiful automatically like it used to - thaw off that ice and she's a hottie! I'm excited somewhat about the wedding, but it's not a dress I'm thrilled with - just one that will do. I'm as bored as myself as you are too. I want to write songs and mystery books, but I think I'm too selfish to get out of character, and when I just try to make myself into a third person, it always cracks.
The one I think of all the time is the scene in Italy overlooking some gorgeous vista with that mauve-pink color that's just right in long faded linen curtains that waft with the breeze from my floor to ceiling windows in my piazza and It's that lonely horror of knowing that I have everything I've ever wanted....
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