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"you're crazy, yes - but you're good crazy."
"your daughter is the most amazing person I have ever met."
"Not just anyone could recognize how smart you are."
Whatever - the fucking Norfolk pine is slowly just getting thrown in the garbage can that my stepdad bought me. The asshat cats killed a gorgeous tiny bird and used my porch for the evisceration. The feathers are reddish tint, and I'm terrified it's a female cardinal.
In Ancient Greece, I would read those portents.
He never texts me when he's home.
He texted me a lot when he was away and called me. It felt kind of like being cared about. Now, I have to stare at a candle and hope that Im adored.
Because, if not? quellle horreur? non. it would just be the normal life I live. He was the anomaly actually - someone like you. Who could make me feel like I did from the start.
And, I'm someone who runs on emotions. Almost every entry you've read in this miasma has been because an actual emotion cause me to dive into the ocean.
who am I?
what do I want?
It's like Selim said - "love is the only thing that matters", and he was a nuclear scientist.
My hands are old looking. Even this guy older than me has younger hands. I love his hands. My favorite part about him is his skin and his beautiful back torso elongated body thing. I see the back of him a lot. He's so not a cuddler. He'll cuddle when he's slightly tipsy, and to that I cling. Otherwise, it's me adjusting to him. Could I be a cuddler and a frequent tester if it was just one-sided? how could that be? It's always the lowest bar that "wins".
And everything else?
fuck this world is falling apart based on things I learned in 8th grade at a hick country school in Georgia: the boomers are going to age and suck it all up.
Here we are.
A yellow butterfly flits.
A red geranium blossom finally emerges.
It would be so much easier to love you if you let me inside the fucking wall, but for now... I'll lay siege.
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