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Did I already tell you I went to talking doctor today? I just wanted to be up front - transparent as it were. I don't like wasting our time.
Anyhooo, I was in some nine eleven innocence lost sort of mode...
Here is the last entry I wrote on 9/10:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC WILLHELM!!! (I hope I got the day right). Thank you very much for being my lover's best friend. Although it's been very hard for him to cope without having an "Ultimate partner in fun" live in the same town as he, your absence from living in the same town as he has helped Mark grow more. He's had to amuse himself and this has helped him create out of "no choice". I think you are pretty neat in your own right, but my real love of you is what you mean to Mark. Happy Birthday. Go get them tiger. My gift to anyone at this point would be to read about buddhism (and I'm poor).
And one of the ones from 9/11 (the next f-ing day dude!)
I have absolute fear in the pit of my stomach. There is an anthropology catalog on my desk. It is such a symbol. I'm thinking: is this all gone? Is this sweet, beautiful world of buying pretty things and feeling safe over? Are things like watching "Farscape" going to be silly forgotten luxuries? I can't get through to any of my loved ones. The phone lines are all busy, so this is the only thing I can do. I feel both a resignation to the change in all of our lives, a unity with all humans, and fear. What does all of this mean? What would anyone hope to gain?
This is me back in february 2005:
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkk.
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