i wrote a poem once titled "as if the rain was waiting for me to sleep" and i could practically hear my writing teacher sigh as i gave it to her - she was probably thinking "oh, lord. here we go again" and then she took another swig of spanish whiskey. believe me, the poem was no evan smith rakoff masterpiece, but it did speak of not being able to sleep of which i have had some issues with my whole life. i sleep-walked when i was a kid - more like i sleep-ran. i often had dreams of chasing after papers fluttering in the wind and my mother would shout "go back to sleep!" as i ran by her room and i'd dutifully trapse back to my room. i talked in my sleep until my late twenties - often sleep-shouted and one time partly recited a poem i had been memorizing for a class. i also had what i always called insomnia but it was never clinically diagnosed and it was especially bad in high school. i'd lay awake for hours even though i was so sleepy. i think it's because the second my head hit the pillow my brain went into overdrive.
i envy people that can fall asleep at the drop of a hat and fall asleep anywhere. i am a strict bed sleeper - i can't sleep on the floor or couch or car - i have to be in bed, preferably my home bed. the first few months i was pregnant my sleep capacity was amazing. i'd sleep from 6pm to 7am and still be able to fall asleep at my desk. that was really kind of a nice phase for me. i slept on a plane during that time when craig and i flew to colorado for vacay. (on a side note, craig and i watched "flightplan" the other night and i was happy to report that no one would ever be able to steal ella from me on a plane because i would never, ever fall asleep while flying. i crossed that kidnapping worry off my list.)
i have to have the perfect balance of sleep conditions in order to actually sleep. it has to be deathly quiet and dark. it has to be slightly chilly. i need three pillows. when ella was a newborn i was so wasted and my sleep was so topsy-turvey that i would lay awake forever listening to ella snore and craig snore and the dog snore and i knew they were all conspiring against my sleep. i would cry and say to craig "why won't any of you let me sleep?". that was a bit of a low point, indeedy.
now, every few weeks i have a bit of an insomnia problem but i kind of like it. i'll usually get up after a little while of trying to fall asleep and finish a book i'm reading or watch some old "sex and the city" reruns. i can remember that my grandpa lamoy was the same way - the times i would stay at his house i would hear him get up around 2 in the morning and sit in the living room and read. could sleeplessness be inherited?
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