When I was 13 years old, I had to go get a physical exam in order to try out for my middle school basketball team. This was my first 'adult' physical and no one warned me what dangers lie ahead.
The doctor did his normal stethoscope, earlight, tongue depressor (gag!) routine. He hit the knee with hammer. I'm working right, my barely pubescent body is peaking at just the right time. I feel strong, stronger that day than I had ever been in my life.
Then he asked me to drop my pants.
I had never been administered the hernia check before. I had never heard of the hernia check before. Hell, I had no idea what a hernia was. But still, I complied. My baggy white briefs fell around my ankles, pathetic. My knees knocked as the latex glove snapped. My breath caught as the doctor reached for my testicles, using finger pressure to push on that secret spot, heretofore unknown even to me. That's right, readers, I was a late bloomer, sexually. I had, at that tender age, never done much conscious exploration. This was all new. It was also over in a flash.
Doc sat down and was writing up my chart. The lights in the room were dazzling in their flourescence. I pulled my pants up, underwear first, then my little-boy brown cords. Somewhere, fiddling with my belt buckle, I felt my face redden. I looked up at my assailant, quietly writing, ignoring me, ME, who he had just touched in THAT way, in THAT place. I slumped.
What happened next is lost to me. I woke, lying on the paper-covered table, the doc slapping my face lightly, smelling salts in his left hand. What happened? he asked. I couldn't say. I shrugged like a 13 year old boy. They took me to another room to take blood, tested me for anemia.
I wasn't anemic. I was ashamed. The shame had risen from secret virgin places, risen to my still flushed face and cut off my brain.
The doc never knew what had happened, never understood. Maybe the office was too hot, he told my mother. Actually, he must have guessed. Right?
But I knew. I fainted from shame.
And I didn't have a hernia after all. And I was cut from the basketball team after two days.
