The new year begins at sunset and so I will post a few of my New Year's Resolutions, or things I would like to do in the next year:
1. Learn all I can about Marie Antoinette from PBS in their new, from what I hear, extraordinarliy well-produced documentary airing Monday night at 9:00.
2. Use drugs at least once and not be caught by the cops.
3. Catch up with my friends socially by fathering no less than four children in the next 12 months.
4. Utilize my superpower for good or evil or...well, anything at all really. I have been really lazy in regard to my superpower, which is, btw, total telepathic command of all dogs, except Daschunds (go figure)(imagine Aquaman - but with dogs, not fish and marine mammals). I am thinking of a bloodless coup at the White House that involves an army of dogs with me front and center, riding a St. Bernard.
5. Improve my wardrode.
6. Get revenge on Pham's Auto, who ripped me off royally by charging me $340 for a new horn and also cracked my windshield. This may also involve the superpower.
7. Write one page for every page I read. Oh yeah, I'd also like to get back down to a 30 waist size. Ha.
8. Discover birdwatching!
9. Control the weather, even just once.
10. Get my car to pass inspection.
11. Learn two languages at a basic level. Two additional languages, that is.
12. Vote more than once.
13. Pilot a boat out of harbor.
14. Using Dick Cheney as my lovely assistant, demonstrate Gonzalez-approved alternative interrogation methods before a Congressional Committee or the Today Show.
15. Finish my scholarship on "flood-ghosts," the restless spirits of those that have drowned.
16. Fully understand ten square feet of my backyard.
17. Figure out a way to sell my law degree and health insurance benefits.
18. Explore the emigration option.
19. Keep both of my ficus trees (Jackson and Kojo) alive.
