Pony: Happy Hanukkah
11.29.2002

Put on yer yarmulkah, it`s time for Hanukkah.
That song still cracks me up.

It also cracks me up the way people think that Hanukkah is an important holiday because it is close to all the biggies like Xmas, Ramadan, Divali, etc.

Don`t forget, yids, when you are spinning your dreidels and lighting your menoras and stuffing your face with oily treats that Hanukkah celebrates a MILITARY victory.

yeah, yeah, there was the "miracle of the temple oil lasted 8 days instead of one" Wooo-hooo. Did that ever impress anyone? Enough to celebrate it thousands of years later? Once, a walkman I thought was broken spontaneously started to work 2 years later and I didn`t go around trying to make an annual holiday of it...

The real "miracle" celebrated old school style is about a Jewish militant named Judah who was such a bad ass the called him "The Hammer". He was analogous to all the assholes blowing themselves, up, settling on occupied land, or causing all sorts of shit in the name of God. The Greeks (lead by a guy named Antiochus who wanted all the Jews to go Greek (Hellenization) and get into naked wrestling and gay stuff that showed their circumcised penises).

Catch this: Mattityahoo and his son Judah "the Hammer" fled for the hills with supporters, created and army, and forcibly circumcised any uncut boys they found within Israel's borders.

Please don't hurt 'em, Hammer!

They came back into Jerusalem, conquered Antiochus' regime and installed a fundamentalist regime called the Hasmonean dynasty that did not take kindly to secularism.

So instead of asking Judah the Macabee for a new video game or soap basket, perhaps it would be more fitting to request a crossbow.

There was a great article on this in the old incarnation of "gettingit.com". Too bad it is not online anymore. If anyone finds it, please send it to me!

I challenge anyone to break my "I ate seven latkes" record. Don`t forget:A big miracle happened there. Happy Hanukkah (Chanuckah, hannukha, hannu-cha...) May your miracles be touched with pluralistic delight.

---

«« (back)				(forward) »»
things that have never gone out of style in montreal:				holy shit i am going to india

---